China Would Be Better Off Fouling Deandre Jordan, and I Can Prove It

Our B+ talent is out and about just destroying China and Argentina in some good ol’ fashioned American hoops. Lookin’ like playing your little brother on rookie in 2K.

Little advice to China, next time you play Team USA (tomorrow) just foul Deandre Jordan the whole time. If your whole team fouls out, and it’s just you versus Deandre Jordan’s career free throw percentage, you can be certain that the final score will be significantly better than 106-57. I’m no math major, but you just lost by 49 points.

If you instead foul Deandre Jordan 45 times, he can’t possibly even score 49 points. 45 times is the exact number of times it would take 9 team members to foul out going by the FIBA rules, which govern the Olympic games. Deandre Jordan shoots 42% from the free throw line for his career. This is beginning to sound like one of those made up scenarios from your Pre-Algebra class. Screw it, let’s go for broke.


If you do the math, and again, I’m not math major, Deandre Jordan statistically would only score 18.9 points. Round that sucker up to 19, and you’ve just lost to USA in a less embarassing way. 19-0 looks a hell of a lot better than 106-57. And, who knows, maybe you would even score a bucket or two? You’re not selling any sports newspapers in China (definitely a real thing) with the headline of “China Loses In Blowout to USA 106-57. You know what moves the papers, “USA Squeaks By China’s Great Wall of Defense, 19-10.” That’s just Marketing 101.

Shout out to Mrs. Baer* for teaching me Algebra (twice), Geometry, Algebra II, and Pre-Calculus to help me solve that epic Monday Morning math problem. Yes, I had the same Math teacher from 8th-12th grade. And, yes, she totally was one of those math teachers that always made you show your work.

Three. I’ve had three cups of coffee this morning.


*Mrs. Baer is not her real name (wink, wink)


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