Crossfit Games (barf) Awarding Winners with Guns instead of Gold Medals

Crossfit

The CrossFit Games are trading gold medals for Glock metal.

The founder of the hugely popular competition, for which Reebok is the title sponsor, recently announced he would give away the pistols to the winners, referring to the plan as “glock for the podium.”

“The top male athlete, the top female athlete, and every member of the winning team will receive a GLOCK pistol,” Dave Castro, Director of the CrossFit Games and a former Navy SEAL, wrote in a posting on the Facebook page for the CrossFit Games, along with a flashy video highlighting the popular pistol.

The CrossFit Games began Tuesday at the StubHub Center in Carson, California.

People immediately expressed outrage over Castro’s announcement on social media and in comments on the post, saying that it was in poor taste given recent tragedies like the Orlando and Dallas massacres and spate of police-involved shootings.

Source: Fox News (barf)

This might be my favorite story of all time. The Crossfit Games, a meeting of like minded lean meat heads getting together to not do pull ups correctly, are handing out glocks instead of gold medals. Absolutely love this move. As far as the media is concerned, gun violence is still hot in the streets. One login on your personal Facebook page, and everyone from the liberal hand holders to the drunk uncle’s demanding more arms to bear has a news clip proving why guns or..not guns…are the problem. Between that, Pokemon Go, Donald Trump, and terrorism, the douchebaggery that is Crossfit has slid off of our radar as the worst people on the planet.

What oh what is a Crossfit guru to do? Well, if you can’t beat them, join them. They decided the best way to try and get back in the news is to literally just start handing out guns. It’s such a blindly diabolical move.

What are people talking about now a days if they aren’t talking about Crossfit anymore?”  – Crossfit Douchebag #1
“Guns?” – Crossfit Intern who regrets every decision he’s made in life that has led up to this point
What if we arm are winners?” – Crossfite Douchebag #2
You have a gift my friend.”  – The rest of the room
YEAH!  PUSH UPS!” 

If I’ve learned anything about going to a normal gym, is that weightlifters love guns. And if I’ve learned anything about rednecks on Facebook who also love guns, is they hate Crossfit. Although it may seem, how you say, the opposite direction we should be moving to bridge divides in the country, at least someone is trying to splice the differences between sects of people. Crossfit is just looking to do the impossible and create the super ultra mega douchebag.

Also, how upset are the organizers of the Rio Olympics? This would be the perfect time for the Olympics to adopt the Glocks for Gold movement. I have it on good authority that the only way people are going to get out of the Hunger Games Rio Olympics is by shooting their way through the disease infested gang affiliated wasteland that is Brazil. What better way to motivate the athletes competing than be rewarding them with a weapon that will get them there.

-Coach
@ApacheZack
@blog30tweets

 

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