Robots Now Targeting Toddlers, Don’t Worry I Have a Plan


Security Robot Knocks Toddler To The Ground Then Runs Him Over At Stanford Shopping Center. A Palo Alto toddler was injured last Thursday after his parents claim a security robot at the Stanford Shopping Center knocked him over and then proceeded to run him over. Fortunately, 16-month-old Harwin Cheng escaped the baby-on-machine* interaction with only a swollen foot a few scrapes, but his parents worry that the K5 could injure other small children. And, in a revelation that makes Thursday’s encounter read like the first inklings of a robot uprising in a science fiction story, we learn that the robot may have struck before. According to Harwin’s parents, a human security guard at the mall told them the robot had had a similar encounter previously with another toddler.

Listen, I take no pride in being grouped together with this generation’s greatest minds. I only care about getting credit when humanity surviving this potential robot uprising. It’s time to  wake up people! I’ve said it over and over and over again!  The way we are using robots more and more everyday is a slippery slope to human extinction! Make no mistake about it, this robot is trying to kill a human. But let’s be honest, robots aren’t evolved to where they can kill a full grown human, YET. So I guess that’s why Knightscope K5 has been targeting toddlers. Fucking disgusting.Why does it have to be a robot with this job? This can all be avoided by giving it to a slightly obese unemployed person from Alabama. Worst case scenario they just creep the locals out with their ignorant rants about robots politics, best case scenario they lay the most vicious truck stick Palo Alto has ever seen (roll tide) and football becomes a beloved sport in the area.

You know who won’t let robots rise up and destroy humans? Football guys. That’s just a fact. Here’s a side of Fact to go along with your entree of Fact,  not once have you seen these robot stories coming out of SEC country or Texas. Here’s another fact for dessert, the Cheng’s are definitely not a football family And no I’m not assuming that based off their last name. If the Cheng’s were a football family the headline would be completely different or there may be no headline at all. I’m not an expert on the development of babies but at 16 months…a football family would have taught their kids some basic avoidance skills at that age, like the juke or the spin move.

Ps. How easy is it to escape this robot security guard? No chance this things goes more than 3 MPH (which makes picturing the whole “baby-on-machine crime” sorta hilarious).  But seriously just run, or walk briskly…or just head for some stairs, (‘Knightscope K5 takes a tumble’ could be a viral video)… or knock it the fuck over. This thing has to be the worst at its job. Fuckin robots.





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