Forget Lebron/Draymond; These Two Are the Most Intense Head to Head Matchup of the Finals

Oh baby is there something in the water in Golden State or what?! Well actually yeah there is, it’s money, lots and lots of tech money. The Cavs may have handled the Warriors last night on the back of a combined 82 points from Kyrie and Lebron but blondie on the right left me very impressed as well. This coming after that stick of dynamite in the crop top was a centerpiece of games 1 and 2, getting all up in Steph’s head. Pray for Ayesha! She must be on ho-alert 24/7. But I guess when your man is the only person to ever hit 300 400 three’s in a season you better have “Proficient in Fighting Off Thots” on your resume. Ayesha may have her man under control but I know that’s not the case for the rest of you animals. So who ya got? Ebony or Ivory? Pouty lips or unreal hips? Belly Shirt or “I can’t believe I did my last 8 ball for this,” stare? Let’s go to the tape:

Blue Top Yellow Skirt
Age: 25-29
Occupation: Instagram Model (you’re welcome)
Signature Move: “The Sip of Seduction”. That move has been known to put better men than Steph in Divorce Court. Stay woke young fella.
Intangibles: Being able to get better seats to the Finals then Steph’s family.

Pouty Lips
Height: N/A
Age: 22-26
Occupation: Cocktail Waitress or Stewardess (probably)
Signature Move: “The Dyson”. Can blow through an entire 8 ball in a single evening.
Intangibles: Will have you apologizing for shit you never did, ruin your life, and still have you coming back for more.

So there’s the tale of the tape. The decision is yours now. The only thing I know for sure is that either one of them sitting courtside has a bigger impact on the game than Kevin Love.



-Mr. Jersey


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