Is This The Least Surprising Headline Of All Time? ‘Monkey Causes Nationwide Blackout In Kenya’


(CNN)Talk about monkey business. Kenya — yes, the entire country — was left without power Tuesday after a rogue monkey got into a power station and triggered a nationwide blackout.

Good morning everyone! Regardless of what kind of week you are going through, or what you think about the upcoming presidential election, I have some perspective for you. Sure, the future of America will lie in the hands of a political robot with no sense of equality or a crazy man who can’t stick to one idea for more than a day (except for that hairpiece he keeps putting on every morning), but here is something that should make you feel better about the country we live in. The ENTIRE country of Kenya suffered a blackout (not the fun kind) because a monkey fried itself on the one transformer running the whole damn country. Kenya, get your shit together!

Say what you will about the state of the country but you have to admit, living here is about 100% better than living anywhere else, and about 1,00,000% better than living in Africa. Fucking Africa man, making me feel bad, complaining about anything here in America. Can you imagine if a large region’s, let alone the entire country’s, power went out due to an animal? We get pissed off when our magical WiFi box doesn’t work 24/7 and at 100%. What the fuck would happen if our government/energy companies let anything short of a super storm take out our power? Purge style chaos probably.

Meanwhile in Africa, 90% of the country probably didn’t even notice the power was out, just sitting around in their hot ass dwellings trying to remember the last time the electricity stayed on for more than a day straight. As I write this I’d be willing to bet I know more about this power outage than over half of Kenya and I literally only read the headline. Never Change Africa, Never Change.




(Update w/ photo: The monkey literally just jumped on the wires of the transformers and refused to get off them. He was not Fried! I repeat, no monkeys were harmed in this power outage.)


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