Whats Up Doc? Ex-Lover’s Long Con

I’m 29 and have recently been trying to get back together with an ex of mine from a few years ago, but I keep being put into various no-win situations. I have made my intentions clear for over a year, and after some discussions, we decided to try again.  We went out on an amazing second first date and it could not have gone better. We were supposed to meet up again the next day but none of my calls or texts were answered. It’s now been three days and I haven’t heard one word from her.  -Ex-Lover



Alright man, this one might be tough for you to hear, since you clearly have a ‘never give up’ personality, but dude it’s over. I don’t really know why you haven’t caught on to this yet, it’s been a year! She did her best to not break your heart and maybe that’s on her, but you need to take some credit here too. Just because you didn’t hear the bartender call last call doesn’t mean you can keep drinking all night. Jesus, man let it go. It took you a year of nagging her to go on a 2nd first date (a preposterous idea BTW). She finally broke down and said yes for unknown reasons, fuck who knows, maybe she was drunk.

This whole situation reminds me of a one night stand. You lay some ground work one night (tell her you are still in love), but then don’t close the deal that night (because of some “no-win situations”). Then you keep running into this girl at the bar but things just aren’t the same as the first night where you should have closed the deal. Things just get more and more awkward every time you get drunk and make a move. This is the point where most people give up and move on. But not you, Ex, no sir, you are playing the long game (a creepy move TBH). Then it happens, her friend gets engaged or she gets fired, something that causes her to go to a dark, drunk place. And who is there? You, Ex, you persistent mother fucker. She wakes up the next day and realizes her huge mistake. Rape? I don’t know, maybe? She certainly wouldn’t have made that decision sober.

My money is on her deleting your number the minute she got back from that date and is now making arrangements to move to a different city because you emotionally raped her. Just thank the stars emotional rape isn’t as punishable as physical rape and download tinder. Maybe change your age to 26 though because 29 is a rough age to date in today’s culture. Good luck you are going to need it you creep.




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