Weekends Winners and Losers: April 15th-17th

Mr. Jersey

Winner: Christian Pulisic

Yes! I told you all to watch out for this kid and boy was Mr. Jersey spot on. The 17 year old American scored his first career goal for Dortmund over the weekend. The list of Americans to have even played in the Bundesliga isn’t very long at all so for Pulisic to be a regular and now scoring goals for a dominant team like Dortmund is incredibly impressive. When Tim Howard, Michael Bradley, and Clint Dempsey are gone it’s going to be Pulisic leading the USA men in to international action.

Loser: Canada

Raptors stars DeMar DeRozan, left, and Kyle Lowry had disappointing performances in Toronto's Game 1 loss to Indiana.

Wasn’t a great weekend for America’s hat. First their one NBA hope the Toronto Raptors, who are supposed to be the team in the East that can take down Lebron and the Cavs (lol), went out and lost game one of their opening round playoff series. That loss to the #7 seed Pacers made the Raptors the only home team so lose so far in this year’s playoffs. Demar DeRozan and Kyle Lowry had to leave the Air Canada Centre knowing that for the third straight year they had lost game 1 at home and left Drake feeling extremely disappointed. He skipped Coachella for your bums! As if that wasn’t bad enough for those denim wearing maple syrup guzzlers to the North, over in the Stanley Cup Playoffs their favorite squa. .. . .oh wait! Not one of the SEVEN Canadian NHL teams even made the playoffs this year. It’s supposed to be your sport Canada, half the damn league makes the playoffs, and you couldn’t get one team in??? Good thing healthcare is free up there because it’s going to take a lot of pills to get over this weekend. Ya know what I’m talking aboot?

Coach

Winner: Devil’s Backbone Brewery

DB

I have previously blogged about this glorious craft beer company, but last week Anheuser Busch bought the Devil’s Backbone for a rumored, cool $250 Million Dollars. Not bad for some good ol’ country boys who started the brewery with a 2 million dollar personal investment. They still retained creative rights to the beers, and still own a small percentage of the company, but these m fers got PAAAAAAAAAAAAAID.

Loser: The Bottom Seeds in the Western Conference

The Hornets, the Raptors, the Mavericks, the Rockets, the Grizzlies, and the Trailblazers all lost this weekend and did not score 100 points in their playoff debut. Every team that did score over a hundo won, with the exceptions of the Celtics (who got some late garbage shots up to make it to 101) and the Pistons, who shot 50% from the field and 51.7% from deep. They also scored 101. Morale of the story is, if you don’t want to lose, score more than 101 points. But not a 1 low seed from the West won. (As Expected.) Happy Opposite Year everybody!

Doc

Winner: T-Pain

In a time where everyone is obsessing over selfies and their social media presence ( go follow @blog30tweets) it honestly surpirsing when a celebrity does something new for the very first time. Well my boy T-Pain done did it,  and probably opened up the floodgates for more shitty ass videos, he filmed an entire music video with his smartphone in a selfie video.

It’s been 8 years since my very first concert at the small school in Va where I went to see T-pain. Yes, My first concert ever was T-Pain. I don’t remember much (damn tequila) but I do remember that his pants fell down a bunch and the sans auto tune songs sucked. Everyone remembers their first…

Loser: Brian Hoyer

The Texans opening day starter last year has learned the team will cut him in the coming days. He had a nice little year or so in terms of people thinking he was good. He had like 4 solid games with the browns and a decent training camp in Houston which earned him the starting gig. Unfortunately, people’s perception doesn’t translate to on-field performance. He was benched half way through game 1 and only got the job back because Ryan Mallett is a child. Now he’s been linked to the jets but most believe he is just leverage to try to get Free agent  Ryan Fitzpatrick to re-sign with the Jets sooner rather than later. from life long 2nd string QB to Starter to leverage to get a mediocre QB to sign with a mediorce team. Sad weekend for the Hoyer clan.

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