Via Elite Daily: Who is the chill girl? You know who she is. She’s the girl who’s outside chugging the beer with all the guys. She’s the one who’s totally fine with the casual, no-strings-attached hook-up buddy. In fact, she prefers it! She’s that girl who’s more than happy to just go with the flow and let life take her where it may.Now, here’s the deal: I’m lazy and, to be honest, not a huge fan of confrontation or any sort of super aggressive behavior. So in the whole crazy-chill battle, I often find myself falling under the umbrella of chill. But what people don’t tell you when they paint a glamorized picture of the chill girl is how f*cking awkward her life really is.
Here we are again, face to face with one of these ridiculous lists created by a chick in an attempt to relate to dudes and what do you know she missed the mark by about a thousand miles. So in our never ending plight to show these girls the error of their ways I’ve provided my response to these 17 instances where it was just so damn awkward to be the “chill” girl. But you know what a real chill girl doesn’t do? Make this stupid list.
1. When you tried to shotgun the beer……and it ended up coming out of your nose.
-Oh em gee, I can’t even. . .You know what would have been even more chill? Just saying no I cannot shotgun a beer, as opposed to making a big scene about it and getting beer all over the floor.
2. When you ended up in the “casual” relationship…because he assumed that’s what you wanted.
-You ended up in the casual relationship because it’s exactly what he wanted and you not chiming in to change that was an added bonus.
3. When you found yourself hanging with your ex and his new girlfriend. . .because, DUH, you can be friends with them! Right?
-Are you saying you are going out of your way to do this? Nobody thinks you’re being chill if you’re doing this. They for sure want you to go away so they can have sex with each other.
4. When you went to absurd lengths to prove to the guy you liked that you had no feelings for him…because you’re not the kind of girl who catches feelings, right?
-Classic elementary school move. “I like this boy so I’m gonna throw rocks at him”. It’s by no means “chill”, but I can respect the classics.
5. When you tried to take the massive bong rip…and ended up coughing everywhere.
-Everybody probably thought that was pretty funny so no harm no foul. It was probably shortly afterward when you inevitably started acting liking a psychotic toddler that everyone began to hate you.
6. When you were just “friends” with the love of your life…and slightly wanted to die every time the two of you platonically hung out.
-In what way is faux-friend zoning some dude chill? Also if he’s friend zoning you right back you can pretty much give up on that one. If he wanted to do you, he’d be trying to do you. Zuckerburg taught us that one.
7. When you had a full-fledged panic attack at the thought of your text coming off as un-chill…you know, one of those very chill, breathing-in-and-out-of-a-paper-bag situations because you accidentally sent the “I love you SO SO SO SO much” text meant for your mom to your co-worker, who actually thinks you’re cool.
-God forbid you just send another text that says, “wrong person” right? I’m starting to think you might actually not be that chill.
8. When you got stuck hanging out with the person who annoyed the sh*t out of you…because you didn’t care enough to be like “No, f*ck off.”
-Hanging out with people you hate, classic chill move. Classic. Should we hang out? Because I definitely hate you.
9. When you waited too long to shoot the friend request. . .and now it’s been awkwardly too long and it’s weird that you guys aren’t friends.
-I’m confused. Are you already friends in real life? Can only “chill” people send friend requests? Do you even know this person? Do they realize you’re “friends”? You really suck.
10. When you waited too long to say how you felt…because you thought you had all the time in the world. But now it’s been a year, and he’s over it, and it’s just so awkward you can’t even handle it.
– Well if he’s “over it” (we’re talking about a thing that never happened mind you) then it seems like you’re the only one making it awkward. If you can’t even be chill with yourself how can you be chill with others?
11. When you picked the coolest song at karaoke…but then realized you don’t quite know the words or the melody to “So Fresh, So Clean” quite as well as you thought.
-Legit nobody cares. You know who people don’t like? The people that go up and treat karaoke like it’s an American Idol audition. You suck at it, I suck at it, we all suck at it. It’s fine, just have another drink.
12. When you played hard-to-get with your crush…and you just ended up being a giant b*tch.
-So this is like the mean version of #10? Pretty sure you weren’t being all that chill if you were being a big ol’ bitch.
13. When you told your friend you weren’t into your crush…so she ended up hooking up with him.
-So now you’re playing the “chill” girl when there aren’t even dudes around? I feel like we are losing sight of the point here.
14. When you hooked up with mediocre boys…and they still were the ones to end it, because you were too chill to bother.
-I don’t even know what this means.
15. When you tried to take a shot with the boys…and ended up having the world’s most brutal blackout.
-Nothing says chill like blacking out from one shot.
16. When people thought you were being passive-aggressive…but they didn’t realize that you really legitimately are just passive.
17. When you showed even the slightest sign of emotion…and everyone lost their sh*t, because YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE CHILL ONE!
-“showed the slightest sign of emotion” AKA; got super drunk, started crying, yelled at everyone, and puked in the sink. I love it when the chill girl comes by. . .