Winner -Donald Trump
As much as it pains me to say it I have to admit that Donald walked away from this weekend a winner. Fresh off defeating the Pope in single combat, Trump won the South Carolina Primary in convincing fashion. Then on top of that his #1 whipping boy Jeb Bush officially dropped out of the race. That’s 2 wins and a second place finish for Trump so far this primary season. We’re really gonna do this huh?
Loser – Dion Waiters
Ol’ Neon Dion has seen better days. Let’s take a look at how Dion’s weekend went. After playing the Pacers Friday and the Cavs Sunday his combined stat line looked like this: 65mins, 1/14 shooting, 5reb, 4ast, 4pts, and a -25 +/-. WOOF. Jesus Christ Dion have some fucking self respect and fake an injury or something. The worst part of all of this is that he did what he did Sunday against his former squad. It would be like seeing your ex out at the bar with someone new and as you’re trying to play it cool you simultaneously puke on yourself and shit your pants. Not a good look.
Winner: Jeb Bush
So Jeb suspended his campaign for president after another poor showing in a primary. This makes him a winner because he’s finally out of this circus. He will no longer be picked on by Trump, no longer waste money fighting a losing fight, and he will no longer be laughed at by the masses for being Jeb. Good night sweet prince, they can’t hurt you anymore.
Loser: Anyone who had Golden State -3.5
Everyone experiences the highs and lows of gambling but this is the lowest of the low dammit. I talked about the whole thing earlier and how I was 5-0 going into the game… well I went 1-7 on Sunday. I know I know, I said I quit, and I did quit. It usually takes 24-48 hours to realize that a bad beat like that actually killed you. Unfortunately, the typical reaction to a death blow like that is to keep shooting and make up for it with a solid day of picks. All that got me was a one way ticket to Brokesville, a lovely little place where I will be residing until March Madness
That’s right bitches. I won this weekend. It was a beautiful warm weekend in Charlottesville. I went out and actually kind of started making friends…as an adult…in a new town where I know like 2 people…harder than it looks. The Cavs won, the Warriors lost to Portland at the beginning of the weekend, Survivor’s started again…I saw Deadpool and it was actually really funny and entertaining. (I usually hate movies/don’t see them.) Lebron and Co. (minus Kyrie) beat Durant and Westbrook, WWE’s Fast Lane happened (wasn’t great, but it didn’t take away from my weekend) but most importantly, this happened.
That’s right. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, better than predicting the future correctly when you are the “putz” of the group. I told Doc and Mr. Jersey to take the Clippers. They responded with “you can’t say anything if you don’t actually have money on the line.” That’s fair, but I ended up betting Doc a six pack of Andre the Clippers would cover. They did in an amazing, once in a lifetime, 13-0 backdoor run. It was spectacular. Eat it Doc! Eat it Mr. Jersey!
Loser: Martin Truex Jr.
500 miles is a long way to drive to lose by .010 seconds. Seriously. Imagine you are racing somebody from New York to Cleveland, which is approximately 513 miles. Now sneeze one time. Whoops, you just lost. That sucks. If Ricky Bobby’s father’s logic abides, that means you’re last Martin Truex Jr. You could have been hanging out with John Cena getting whisker whipped by NASCAR smokes.