This amazing video came out today of some politician in New Zealand just getting a face full of dildo. Top notch stuff. So funny, so primal. Not really much more you can ask for in a viral video. Really this is peak Internet.
But it led me to thinking about who else I would like to see get hit it the face with a rubber cock and balls. Let’s say you get to pick three people. Who would they be? After careful consideration mine would be as follows:
3. Roger Goodell
If ever there was a face that screams to be mushroom stamped, it’s Roger’s. Years of watching this buffoon operate the NFL with impunity has planted him squarely on the list of least likeable public figures in America. Can you imagine Goodell standing on the podium after the Super Bowl is played, handing the Lombardi to Cam, and then WHAP! A nice 12 inch piece of rubber hog catches him in the earhole. I’d vote for the guy who threw it to be MVP.
2. Derek Fisher
This one is kind of personal I know. But watching Fisher torpedo this upstart Knicks team all season has been so unbelievably frustrating. I mean just the other the mother fucker admitted that the Knicks don’t run plays in crucial situations. God dammit Derek at least lie! All that on top of the fact that Fisher is apparently kind of a shady guy in his personal life, ask Matt Barnes, makes the thought of bouncing a dildo of his head very appealing. I’d even toss is at him with a ton of arc so it would splash down on him directly from above and his last thought would be, “Damn that looks just like how I used to shoot 3’s”.
1. Ted Cruz
Oh my god can you imagine? The best part would be that I’m pretty sure Cruz’s weird ass wouldn’t even know what it was that just hit him. Then we’d get to watch his realization as someone whispered an explanation in his ear. I’m almost certain the word “icky” would come out of his mouth. Added bonus it would be assured that he wouldn’t be the next President. I don’t care how crazy you are, once you’ve seen a man have a rubber dick bounced of his face you cannot in good conscience vote for him.
So there’s my list. Let me know your’s in the comments section.
PS: Bonus story, at my high school graduation some kid threw a 3ft. long double sided purple dildo at our principle right as everyone threw their hats in the air It landed a foot away from her but she could never identify the thrower. There’s even a notorious yearbook picture of it that caught the dildo mid-flight. So incredible. God bless you Scott.