The District is Taking No Prisoners, Issues a Cool Million in Parking Tickets


D.C.’s snow emergency will remain in effect through Wednesday at 6:30 p.m., and the city wants drivers to know it’s serious about enforcing the parking bans.

Since the blizzard began last Friday, the District has issued $1,078,000 worth of parking tickets and $65,600 in fines so far. It has towed 656 cars.

via NBC4 Washington

Well that’s one way to stimulate the economy. Have a big ol’ snowstorm, name it after one of Hollywood’s lovable fat guys, declare a state of emergency and not let anyone drive on the roads, ticket everyone who’s car is stuck on a snow emergency route. Ol’ hockey trick. Hey, I know what you’re thinking, that 1 million dollars is only .0000063 percent of the 16 trillion the United States is currently in. But you gotta start somewhere, and if I know anything about parking tickets it’s that everyone pays them promptly with a smile on their face.

If you’re lucky, your car was one of the ones that was towed. It’s probably only about $500 bucks to get your car back into your life, but it saved you 5 hours of digging. Chump change compared to the years you’ll be able to use your back versus all the other suckers who shoveled out while you just sat there and binge watched Netflix while drinking like it’s the end of the world, eating the finest of milk sandwiches. (I’m talking sourdough bread, whole milk fine.)


PS. The District has never needed this hero more.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s