Good Monday morning to all the time wasters out there! This is our group collaborated post that’ll follow every weekend. Its a little blurb about who we think had the best weekend, and who should have taken a knee and just went to work for an additional two days. Let’s face it, nobody can win during the work week. Weekends my friends, are for the warriors.
Doc’s Winners and Losers
image via ctvnew.ca
Winner of the Weekend: The First Nation people.
Big time win for Native Americans this weekend with Leo mentioning them in his acceptance speech at the golden globes. That may have been the biggest platform in which their plight has been spoken about in a very long time. Oh and the Washington R words got knocked out in the first round of the Playoffs. There is not a doubt in my mind that some Native American curse has been bestowed upon the football team from Washington and they are doomed until a name change.
Loser of the Weekend: The Cincinnati Bengals
I was balls deep in a Fargo binge session when I decided to pop it over to the game’s final 46 seconds ( I had the Steelers -1.5). I saw 3 plays, 2 Personal foul penalties and 1 glorious game winning field goal! It was absolutely childish to get back to back personal foul penalties in the situation! Yes, Burfict is a dirty head hunter (Antonio Brown is for sure going to have CTE) but that comes with the position of middle linebacker in the NFL. What Pacman Jones did was much more costly. It cost his teammates way more than a game, that penalty ruined a whole season, an opportunity to get that playoff monkey off their back and it may have cost them Marvin Lewis. It was brutal to watch and you never want to have the refs play a role in deciding the game but if the Bungals play smarter and keep their composure, they are playing football next weekend, not golf.
Ps. Somehow Joey Porter won the game for the Steelers and he’s retired
Mr. Jersey’s Winner and Loser
Winner: Andy Dalton
Now this might come as a surprise pick to some people. To those people I say, think a little deeper you simpletons. Yeah the Bengals ended their season in horrific fashion. But you know who you can’t blame for that? Andy Dalton that’s who. By being out with injury he completely avoided adding another playoff loss to his record, let the heat fall on Burfict and PacMan, and set it up so that next year all people remember is his great regular season and that the Bengals couldn’t do it without him. That’s why the Red Rifle is my Winner of the Weekend.
Loser: El Chapo
To me this was about as sure a thing as the Redskins blowing that lead at home to the Packers yesterday. There is no other choice for Loser of the Weekend than El Chapo. Not only was he apprehended after months on the run following his second escape from Mexican prison. But he was caught largely due to the fact that he had been doing secret jungle interviews with Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn)?! Come on El Chapo be better for me one time man. You think you can just invite Sean Penn to meet you in the jungle and the authorities aren’t gonna find out about that?? You’re the most wanted man in Mexico for Christ’s sake. As good as El Chapo is at being a drug lord and escaping from prison, he’s that bad at staying escaped. LOSER.
Coach’s Winners and Losers
Winner: The American People
Big weekend for Americans. Big weekend. We got our first sweet sweet taste of NFL Playoffs, the 2016 award season started off with the Golden Globes, and most importantly, the Powerball Jackpot is continuing to skyrocket with no winners! Plenty to talk about around the water coolers and bars this morning other than whatever the hell Sally’s kids did.
Loser: The Gruden Family
It’s a sad day for Jon and Jay. Jay Gruden actually surprised most people and helped lead the Washington Warriors to an unexpected playoff birth. He sold hope to the thirsty fan base better than Obama, but was unable to beat the limping Green Bay Packers. The Washington fan base is now doing it’s best consolation prize talk on Facebook and Twitter…I’ve never seen so many “We weren’t even supposed to be there” posts with the hashtag #StillLikeThat in my life. But Jay don’t give a fuck about what was supposed to happen. He’s sad. I’m sad. We’re all sad.
Jon Gruden also lost this weekend. Nobody loves football more than Jon. I’m sure of it. He’s the best damn commentator (honorable mention to Collinsworth) out there, and his shtick never gets old. Unfortunately for him, he had to watch and try and be excited about that terrible, terrible wildcard game where Brian Hoyer just farted up and down the field. A bad, tear filled weekend for the Gruden family.
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